Dating before breaking up
A phone call will do, in a pinch. Don't beat around the bush — get to the point, but listen to her and be patient, whatever her response is. It's unlikely that you'll be met with much resistance, but you should give her a chance to say her piece before you say goodbye. Say you've been dating for six months, and you don't feel like you're going to fall in love with this person. They're just not the one. Or maybe you want to keep dating casually, or maybe you want to move and travel in Europe for a year.
Whatever your reason for ending it, this is a situation that definitely requires an in-person discussion. You've spent six months hanging out with this girl- you can definitely afford to take an hour out of your week for the breakup conversation. At this stage, you don't know how she's going to react to the B word. She may have seen it coming, because women are perceptive like that. On the other hand, she may have absolutely no idea that you're unhappy in the relationship! There's no way to know until you break it to her, which is why it's not a great idea to break up on a crowded sidewalk.
Take her to an empty coffee-shop, or ask if you can come by her place to talk. That way, if the conversation gets emotional, she won't feel humiliated by being in public. If there is a specific reason you want to break up, and it's something that is out of her control, or that would hurt her feelings, don't bring it up. This is one situation where total honesty is not required. An example of a breakup method that could backfire spectacularly:. Sandra, I don't think it's going to work out between us. I'm not attracted to you anymore. Is it my appearance? What did I do wrong in the relationship?
Is it our sex life? Where did you meet her? How long has this been going on? I can't believe this. I thought you were the one. I feel as if I'm nothing. And all this time, you were going behind my back. Can you just listen to me for a second? Now you're both upset, and confused, and not listening to each other. It's an emotional minefield, which is inevitable: Is it really necessary to tell her that you're getting bored in the relationship?
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These kinds of statements are cruel, no matter how truthful they may be. There's no need to make people feel bad about themselves when you're leaving them. I've been thinking about our relationship, and I'm concerned that I feel differently than I used to. I don't think it's going to work out between us. I am so sorry, and I want you to know this is hard for me too.
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It's going to be difficult to lose you, but I think we should break up. How- I mean, why do you want to break up? I had no idea. I thought you were happy. I wish I'd brought it up earlier, but I feel like it's not fair to you to continue with something I'm not sure about. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's just a feeling that I can't shake, and I'm sad that it had to be like this.
This approach does a number of things right: Many people are averse to saying Sorry during a breakup, because they feel it's not a crime to end a relationship. Well, it certainly isn't, but it's not meant as an apology. Here, the sorry is shorthand for "I'm sorry that we can't be together any longer, and that this hurts your feelings. I'm sorry because I'm a decent human being who cares about other people's feelings. Secondly, you're acknowledging that this isn't easy for you either.
It's tempting to fall back on glibness because you don't want to be emotionally honest, and have an uncomfortable conversation. But if you act breezy or nonchalant about the breakup, it's going to cause that much more pain to the other person who isn't nonchalant about it. We're not saying you have to fake a weeping fit, but don't suppress your own pain or sorrow about the situation.
Most importantly, this approach doesn't place the blame on the other person, or trigger any of their insecurities. You're framing this as your problem, as a feeling that you have about the relationship. That's not something she can argue with, or reasonably resent.
Chances are, she'll accept it as peaceably as anyone would in that situation. Then, you can mourn the relationship appropriately, give each other back your favorite hoodies, and move on with your life. The longer you've been dating, the rougher it is to let go of someone — not necessarily because of the relationship itself, but because the other person has dug themselves deeply into your life. When you break up with your girlfriend of over a year, you're losing a lot of tiny things: You're not going to bounce back from this immediately, and that's okay.
Expect the conversation to be messy and unpleasant. There will be tears. There might be yelling and most likely pleading and bargaining. Through all of this, you need to keep your cool, which is why it's best to have a script of sorts before you go in. But be empathetic throughout — at least you've had time to get mentally used to the idea of breaking up. Maybe she was planning your wedding, or the names you'd want for your kids.
How To Break Up With Her
Either way, it behooves you to be as kind and considerate as possible. You'll never regret being gentle when you had the opportunity to be. That means doing all of what we've discussed previously. Sitting her down in a safe place, apologizing, explaining that something isn't working for you personally, and giving her time and space to respond on her own terms. You don't have to do a post-mortem on the entire relationship: That's all you have to say.
But in these situations, you might be met with resistance, which is perfectly natural. After all, it's not a two-date old relationship. She might want to talk about it. Breaking up might take more than one conversation, and you have to be prepared for that. She's going to be resistant to the idea of losing you, and that means you have to approach the situation with tact and foresight.
I feel like breaking up is for the best. How can you say that? Additionally, consider a place where you can make a quick getaway. Waiting to pay for the check at a restaurant can be very awkward, so head to a destination that will provide you with mobility.
Some suggestions for places include: A spacious outdoor park away from kids and playground equipment A shopping mall The gym A coffee shop A bar and grille The beach An athletics park. Discuss your plans for the future with the new person. Stand strong but be gentle.
Prepare for the meeting. If you have to rehearse the delivery, do it. Just don't have notecards out in front of you and refer to them while you're breaking up. Ask the other person if they were truly happy in the relationship. Be prepared for them to say they were though, in which case, asking them will backfire on you and you'll have to apologize and recognize that they were happy but explain that you're still not.
Other points to consider: Avoid telling the other person that they drove you into the arms of another——that will only escalate into an unproductive discussion and says more about your inability to be independent-minded than it does about them. It's not a tactic to escape unscathed; it's a way of telling your soon-to-be ex that you're making excuses.
Make it clear that it's over. Acknowledge your own faults, lack of participation and inability to contribute fully to the relationship. The idea is to not apportion blame or to try to make your soon-to-be ex look bad; rather, help them to see that this is ultimately a good decision for the two of you. Be on time for the meeting. Show the other person respect by being prompt and exactly in the place where you agreed to meet, at the time you agreed.
If you know that they're never prompt, take something along to do to pass the time so that you avoid getting frustrated waiting for them.
How To Break Up With Her - AskMen
Take a book, your eReader or play phone games. Just resolve to stay calm until they arrive and after, of course. Remain calm and in control throughout the discussion. Keeping in control of a conversation means being ready to open it and to lead with the news of the break up as quickly as possible.
Want to Break Things Off? Here's How to Do It Without Being a Jerk
Also be prepare to ask questions as much as or more even than you're asked questions, questions about how the other person is taking the news, how they're feeling and what they'll do next. By making them respond to your questions, it shows that you care enough about their welfare to be interested but also deflects a focus off you all of the time, as they're forced to think over how they're taking it and how they're going to move on.
All the same, anticipate the possibility that your significant other could flip out so keep that in mind during your break up delivery. If you remain calm, perhaps you can tone down the situation. If they have items in your home, be sure to allow them plenty of space to retrieve their things without pressure or anxiety. You could even offer to have them delivered but don't sound like you don't want them to collect their own things if they want to.
Keep an eye on the time. Don't allow the break up to last more than an hour. Have a good excuse ready such as meeting someone else, having to get work done or needing to get to bed early for an early meeting, etc. Offer to drop them back home if it helps or to shout them a taxi ride. Try to end the meeting on a good note.
If the other person storms off, there is nothing you can do. However, if you can end it amicably, wish the other person well and you can even hug.
They will need to be sure that you went through with it and that things are truly over and done with, allowing the two of you to proceed forward happily and with strength as an unencumbered couple. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other.
Tips You could also try breaking up with the person the minute you lose interest, as opposed to waiting until you've met and become involved with someone else. Don't play with your relationships, they are not a joke.