The problem with dating today

There are two sides to the equation, no doubt. It's a shame when the more sensitive guys feel like they have to walk on eggshells around women. And I do feel for guys who get rejected all the time. That being said, I'll never excuse the guy who uses women. Neither do I have any respect for women who do the same thing. I truly appreciate your having shared your insight on your brothers. It goes to show that not all men are not the same. We have good, bad and in-betweenin all sexes. Nevertheless, these are confusing times due to all the role reversal and mixed messages.

Thank you for stopping by to add to the conversation. I'd have to check on the classroom training. I know people in education. Hadn't personally heard if it is that bad, but I'll ask. I got three brothers the oldest is just like you say. The youngest got all messed up by this chick. I think he's one of those mgto guys now but he's a good guy and just keeps to himself. My twin brothers a sweethart but he's so nice he'll never get anyone. He's the smartest and best looking but I don't think he's ever had a GF. He's so afraid of offending a girle he won't even look at them. The one we all had to go in orientation was plan scary, make you think every guy there was out to rape you and that the campus is a war zone and the guys are on the wrong side.

The male female ratio in Kenya has been dropping since This doesn't seem like a big ratio but as a population it represents tens of thousand of people. So it "seems" like women seriously outnumber men but in fact because women live longer there are actually more men under 30 then women. Nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing information about your country. Thought the hunting and gathering mostly for women happens only in my country but i think the population of men to women is low perhaps ratio of 1: In most big cities around the world, "hooking up" is not uncommon; consequently, your supposition is incorrect, as are many of your conclusions.

Nevertheless, you decided to vent. I've allowed it this time even though I don't agree with most of what you have said here. I agree with you on your statement with the free loving 60s and the problems it's brought in relationships. With that, male and females are so irresponsible with their own sexual energy it has brought a sharpe decline in relationships.

If it's easier to walk away with less resistance why wouldnt You? Women may hold the keys to sex, but Men hold the keys to a relationship and commitment. With the free access to sex and the financial risks of divorce why would any sane Man ever commit?

Look at dating overseas and you will notice that the Western values of hooking up is not present. Men act like Men and Women act like Women. Courtship actually takes place and it's rare you see 1 night stands. In our Western society you can snap your fingers. Our society in the West promotes this type of behavior.

Why Women Are Frustrated and Confused About Men and Dating | PairedLife

Sex in the city, tinder etc. Even look at how people hold themselves in public. The obesity rate for both Male and Females is horrific in the West but we think we're entitled to a 10 when we are a 5 at best.


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The issue is plain and simple. It's not one gender that is the problem it's both. It's each individual not holding themselves to a high standard with no self control. I think the sentence you offered is fine. She might think you're gay, but that doesn't really matter, unless it matters to you. The point is to be direct and to also say something nice, which you have done. Short and sweet is the way to go. Your goal is to make her understand that you will never be available.

On the other hand, if she really is nice and pretty, why not try dating her? But if you are dead set against dating for the rest of your life, then best to let her go so that she doesn't retain hope that you might have a change of heart. Frankly, I get so many vile comments from men, I am forced to delete most of them.

Why Women Are Frustrated and Confused About Men and Dating

I don't wish to hurt this women, she seems like a really nice person and we have a lot in common, but I understand that in todays world it's best if men and women just go their own way WGTOW? I was going to tell her, "You're nice and I think you are really pretty but I've given up on any relationships with women. She's a very attractive young women so I think she won't be to hurt by this as I'm sure she gets plenty of offers.

I have no wish to hurt anyone, I'm just doing what I feel I must to protect myself. It's a sad fact of life in modern america but avoiding women is simply a matter of self preservation. A fantasy life is no life. Dating is not for the faint of heart. I'll give you that, Smarmy. Now you have a group of mostly young men who were quite literally raised on the notion of "Is this a fair game or should I stop playing it?

Women have gotten frustrated because a lot of men are catching on, a lot of women ONLY want equality when it benefits them and people really have no clue on why men approached women back in the day. I mean would you invite a friend out to dinner if you had no money to pay for it? Now back when men had all of the economical and political power and wealth , they had a obligation to take care of women since they had barred them from obtaining wealth and power so approaching, asking out ad paying for dates was one of the responsibilities that men had to shoulder because of the inequality that benefited them mainly.

Now that men can have shared the political , social, economical power with women And that's a good thing women don't want to share any of the responsibility in dating at all with men , they believe in equality until the dinner check comes, when it comes to approaching, asking out. Your commented is thoughtful.

This piece refers to one type of man only and how some women have enabled them, and why they should stop doing that. I do not recommend women be "locked into one dimension and forsake endeavors While being feminine, I am not a "pink" girl. That is why I speak forthrightly about certain types of men, some of whom do live in a "dark shadow. But really, my article was meant to refer to changes since the 's.

Social psychologist indicate that women are much less happy in dating these days. I've merely touched upon this fact. As for the blame game, sometimes we have to talk about unpleasant truths. This article would be disingenuous if I merely highlighted the positive. I've left that for other articles I've written. Anyway, you have a point, though it is a bit idealistic in this particular case. But I hear you and I am contemplating writing about the frustrations that men experience in dating in another article.

I am a woman and I can say I find this piece to be a disservice to both men and women. I understand your point, but I find that even the most well intentioned message meant to empower one group will take on an unattractive hue when its background has been painted by a broad brush dipped in blame and generalizations of another group.


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I'm not saying some men can't foster the attitude you wrote about. I'm also not saying that some women can't read messages like this to mean they are entitled to utter devotion for the mere fact they are women. In essence, women can just as easily foster the same entitled attitude. Yes, I said it. Please tell me why it's so wrong for men to think they are special for no other reason than being men, yet it came across to me the concept was that women are special simply because they are women? I think we are both different and unique.

Even if complementing each other was mentioned at the end, articles slanted in a certain direction on this topic tend to generate hostility, further widening the gap between men and women. Bad behavior is bad behavior, regardless of whether it is perpetrated by men or women. Men not valuing women, for whatever reason, is bad behavior. Women not valuing men, for whatever reason, is bad behavior. It did not escape me that you wrote not all men are like the gatherers you described. What didn't escape me either was that it appeared to come across to assume all women, except doormats in league with gatherers, are perfect as is.

And yes, I read your one comment that both men and women are flawed, but that's not the impression I got from the article itself. Just so you know, I would take the same exception if this article had been reversed and women were blamed and men propped up. I am absolutely in favor of both men and women valuing themselves and each other. It only stands to reason if you value yourself someone else is going to have a mighty hard time devaluing you. I just don't think the way to send the message to value yourself is to devalue another group in print.

Instead of focusing the blame on gatherer mentality as the problem for relationship woes, has it ever occurred to you that the real problem, not the solution, is perpetuating the idea that men and women are to be locked into rigid roles based on societal constructs for what is masculine and what is feminine? Would it not be more constructive and productive to acknowledge there are differences, but those differences are not without give and take?

Also, before the wheels start turning, I will throw in that I am quite feminine in appearance for societal standards and am versed in what constitutes typical feminine behavioral characteristics. However, that does not mean I will be locked into one dimension and forsake endeavors that might appear to compromise my femininity. I am tired of being inundated by messages that have an undercurrent that only adds to the division between men and women based on some notion that if you don't follow the pink and blue paradigm set forth by self-appointed powers that be looking to capitalize on informing you of your shortcomings and how to fix them They play the blame game, point fingers, and highlight what is negative instead of what is positive.

It's a brilliant business model, to say the least. They promote the idea that you have to always be on guard for the "evil other side". Both men and women take turns being the evil one depending on who wrote the article. This article happened to cast men in the dark shadow. Men are not the enemy. Women are not the enemy. Reinforcing the idea they are, whether blatantly or subtly, is the enemy.

Yves, As well you know, wise lady, if not for our "spunk," we'd not be who, what nor where we are today! I'm feeling better each day, Thanks, my friend. Gotta keep on dancin til the music stops. So nice to see you, girlfriend. I trust you are healing well and still behaving as spunky as ever. How I love the way you tell it like it is. Am simply letting women know about the different kinds of men out there. I speak from decades of experience. The thing is, worthwhile men who respect womankind actually agree with me. Those who speak badly about women disagree.

I am not suggesting in this article that all men are bad and all women are good. We are all flawed, but not all of us have serious unresolved issues regarding the opposite sex. Those who do need serious therapy to become more balanced. The common denominator in all of our failed relationships or inability to have a healthy relationship always has to do with ourselves and our choices.

I also know that some of these men date while other's have not dated in 15 years or more due to having been rejected by a woman. Consequently, I understand that many of these men fear rejection so much, they are willing to forgo relationships rather than face their fears. Rather, they are like small boys who do not understand the concept of sacrifice and how taking risks allows a person to grow emotionally and to learn more about themselves.

What Needs to Happen

That being said, I've met a decent amount of men who are unafraid of rejection. They honestly like women and have chosen not let their fear get in the way of attaining their goal of having and ultimately maintaining meaningful relationship with one woman. Such men understand that love involves sacrifice and a give and take on both sides. Good men do not paint all women with one broad negative brush as do immature men.

When all is said and done, neither men or women can understand the other entirely because we have not walked in their shoes. However, we can understand maturity vs. If any man comes online to denigrate women, he has no right to my respect. They dish out mostly flawed views which are not well researched and then they wonder why I don't pander to them. The truth is that I understand them all too well, enough to know they have little if anything to offer a woman. Unfortunately, some women have very low self-esteem, so they engage with such men anyway.

Women always come away from these relationships emotionally battered. Because they've married or lived with a boy, not a man. James, Generally speaking, I save my explanations for those who have an actual interest in understanding women. I save my writing energy for those who give a damn, not for those who just want to rant.

Truth be told, his comment was not worth publishing, but I accept some of these angry rants to show women what kind of man they need to avoid. Luckily, there are still decent men out there, but Gatherer isn't one of them. He hasn't grown up yet. I feel sorry for them, but I won't get near them. And frankly, if you cannot see what is wrong with his comment, that's a problemfor you and your wife.

I read every word of what was written here.

I'm left wondering what could have happened in a person's life to make them so unabashedly hateful and disrespectful toward men. There are a few things that stand out that should be addressed.

Dating Is Dead - Kevin Carr - TEDxWilmingtonSalon

The first is the theme through the entire article that men were put on this earth to provide for women. This ancient notion is being renounced in stronger and stronger terms everyday and is, in fact, wrong. A man's purpose is not to earn a living "hunting" while the woman stays at home enjoying a much simpler and easier life "gathering". His purpose is what he says it is. A wonderful byproduct of equality is men are no longer hitched to the domestic plow but are free to pursue the activities which they find fulfilling.

As we now see a very large percentage of men choose to not don the shackles of domestic servitude. I took particular exception to, "he is the guy who lets the women come to him. He is entitled to live that life anyway he chooses. His value is not determined, either as a man or a member of society, by what he provides to women. It is perfectly fine for a man to be a gatherer. You associate all manner of bad traits to "gatherers", but only if the "gatherer" is a man. If the "gatherer" is a woman then it's perfectly fine for her to lay about expecting men to come to her, not pursuing men and living solely for her pleasure.

This is what is known as intellectual dishonesty. We, as a society, are rejecting this notion. Second, your entire article is about how women should feel entitled to have their cake and eat it, too. Women should be able to benefit fully from equality and sexual freedom but still sit on the highest of pedestals when it comes to dating.

These thoughts are incongruous and are being rejected by society. It seems the real struggle in this article is your struggle with being left behind as dating rituals modernized. Next, the statement, "The smart woman does not play hard to getshe is hard to get. If that isn't what she wants then she needs to embrace the radical notion that women are not entitled to a lifetime of romance, commitment, attention and support from a man simply because she was born a woman. You are doing absolutely no service whatsoever to women by publishing articles like this.

They can either get with the program or get another cat. In the same vein, you didn't mention that women need to do a lot of work on themselves in order to be date-able. I can't tell you how many women I come across who have no interests. Let me clarify what that means: When I talk about history, current events, economics, science, technology or any other subject I get blank stares.

It's almost a little game I have to play to find out if there is any actual thinking going on inside her head. Now, a quick preface, women will have no interest in or understanding of these subjects but have the strongest opinions; it's absurd, but I swear it's true. Women really need to step up their game.

On the subject of date-ability: The average woman of today takes full advantage of this by hopping in a new bed with dizzying frequency. Of course, she then comes across the "icing on her cake" and is unable to disconnect her brain or her Facebook page from her prior exploits, is an emotional train wreck and views sex as a commodity to be bartered away in exchange for his "good" behavior. If a woman want's "commitment" then she needs to 1 be worthy of commitment just being a female isn't enough , 2 be able to provide something of equal value in exchange for his commitment, and 3 be ready to work to convince a man that she's worth it.

I hadn't read your comment until today. Your analysis of my beliefs is inaccurate, but I do sense your frustration. I've published your comments for others to see, nevertheless. I guess the clean and concise analysis of your above piece that I had written yesterday was REJECTED from this thread because you are not interested in addressing both sides of the "dating crisis"; but rather, you are firmly entrenched in views that usually demonize men and usually deify women.

To be fair, you did try your best to disguise many one-sided opinions, but a SAVVY reader can detect your gender bias with little effort. Since women are "ever the adapters", as you say, perhaps this issue will be resolved when your next article appears. WELL, I can tell you quite confidently, that no one, male or female, wants to be thought of as "optional". I did notice that you counseled women not to date "a gatherer"; and naturally you advised women to be aware of their innate self-worth, to increase that self-worth through the realization of goals and dreams, and to hold out for a great guy.

You also advised women to own up to their mistakes, such as becoming involved with "a gatherer" type of man. It became apparent to me that, in your view, the 's was an era of revolution whose excesses could be explained MOSTLY by the folly of MEN; as though women of the time had no "stake in the claim", as though women of the time WEREN'T declaring their independence from the "harsh rule of the white patriarchy" using the vehicles of "sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll".

You assert that men need to "step up their game" and "pursue women"; and while you ALSO assert that women need to "step up their game" also, you are mostly calling for women reject "gatherer" types, essentially. But from where many modern men are standing, this "have it all" mentality has made women voraciously greedy, and it has ALSO exempted women from taking responsibility for the LARGE role that they have to play in our "dating situation".

Something tells me your relationships don't last long. In any event, smart, pretty and fit women fall for "successful" losers all the time. My goal is to help women to quit doing that. If he doesn't have a loving heart, it doesn't matter how much money he makes or how good he looks. He still has zero sex-appeal as far as I am concerned.

This article was just dandy. But the simplest explanation is the best one. We all want a partner that will prioritize their life in a way that is compatible with our own. The only difference here is women are jumping on that bandwagon now. Men have been the earners and career go getters for quite some time now. A person is going to forgo years out of their young lives to pursue a successful career, get a college degree, and build a successful life Get an education, work hard, provide a stable financial life for yourself Men want what we've always wanted: We don't care how much she makes.

Next Article

If so, she wasn't single. Lovely to see you. No doubt, divorce is a strain on both men and women. My own mother had an exceptionally hard time of it, financially and emotionally. In any event, I do speak from a female perspective, given that is what I know best. But as you may have noticed, this does anger some men. By the way, your two cents are always welcome here.

I'm pretty sure your lawyers will never need it. So many questions answered and so many new questions derived. Articles like this one puts me on a fence. I agree when you stated that communication is good, but sometimes people not just women take that a step too far I can go on and add my two cents on everything you talked about.. I might need it to pay the lawyers should I ever get a divorce.. Hello Pragmatic, in general, divorce does not reward women. Most women have a difficult time making ends meet after a divorce.

Gold diggers are not the norm in everyday life. And shame on men who resent paying child support for their own children. You are a father of two daughters. I'm pretty sure you would warn them about men whose motto is "I can get laid just as easily Furthermore, stating that marriage is dangerous is downright laughable.

Have these men never served in a real battle? Women know instinctively that life is more dangerous for her, given all the rape, molestation and other violence that women experience all over the world. Anyway, once a man talks about "getting laid easily" I pretty much check out. I have no interest in such men. James, you have my answer. I may delete this post after awhile. PairedLife doesn't appreciate it when men speak about women in such a sexually demeaning manner, as did Syntax. Syntax, you heard me the first time.

By the way, most women allow men to visit their children. Unfortunately, not all men make the time to visit. Nevertheless, it's okay for you not to marry, and it's okay for me to warn women about men who use women. Believe me, I don't scratch my head over missing men. People who really know me would find that hilarious. As my fine son would say I'm a conservative WASP'y male, still married only once with two grown kids girls. Your article is revealing and on point, and I must say that I agree with your opinion concerning today's younger men in our society.

To be sure, some of this is due to the manner in which these young men have been raised and the lack of proper role models. I think the social environment also has a lot to do with this dilemma, meaning all the information that is constantly bombarding our youth through various media sources. It seems to me that the message being conveyed is often not one that supports boys developing into responsible young men who are willing to step up to the plate and do the right thing. Having said all this, I will say that the point of view presented by Syntax Attack has some basis in fact.

Whether or not you agree with him, he has a point. Removing some of the bias and injustice in our family court system will go a long way towards restoring faith in the institution of marriage in this country. Divorce should not be seen by young men as a resolution to a problem that is heavily weighted in favor of women. Young women are still learning about life and it takes them awhile to know what they want and what is important. Same with young men. Have you never given any thought to how much women sacrifice? Listen, this article is not about money. It's about how to avoid men who are incapable of commitment, whether they are gatherers or MGTOW or just plain narcissistic jerks.

If a woman wants a lifetime partner, she won't get that with a cynical man who thinks all women care about is money. That's just not true. Besides, even back in the 60's men had to pay child support. Today, some women pay alimony.

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The problem with dating: Stop searching for 'the one'

Meanwhile, the children of said marriages have to trudge back and forth from mom's house to dad's house because they're splitting everything down the middle. Otherwise, we simply remain children. I hear your "warning" but romance and true love isn't dead yet. If it comes to that, women will adopt children and live on their own, making their own money, kind of like many of us do now. Sure, it's wonderful to meet a good man, but if all men turn cynical one day, we'll do without them. I've never had that problem of being desperate for a male who acts like an idiot.

If he can't act like a respectful adult, I have no interest. Therefore, I am here to teach women how to avoid women-haters and learn how to spot a man who cares and who shows it. I take it you guys want guarantees, but that's not real life. Truth is, unless we become stronger, better, and more moral people, then we probably have no business getting married in the first place. If a man or a woman continuously has relationship problems, then the common denominator comes down to who they are and how they treat people. That is why they can't sustain a relationship. They point fingers but never look at themselves.

Frankly, all the hate speech and the whining is getting old. I've seen the vile things they say about women on their forums. Most of it is trash. If these men are that afraid, then all I can say is, Good Luck. Their lives will be lonely, ultimately, but that's their perogative. Although Americans are very generous when it comes to charity, we have developed a culture of me, me, me.

I agree that selfishness is a big problem, Sam. I see what you are saying. I agree that good, virtuous women can definitely be a catalyst for a men's spiritual and emotional growth and evolution. Unfortunately, in this society, truly virtuous women and men are few and far in between. Thank you for telling me about your friends. I am surprised that the handsome guy can't get a date. On the other hand, it's not like a woman is going to knock on his door and announce that she wants to date him.

What I am saying is that if they never try, the results are obvious. They will remain alone, without the company of women. I actually do understand that some men are incredibly shy and sensitive to rejection. No one ever said that love is easy to come by or that good women or men, with whom we are compatible, are standing on every street corner.

But if we don't try, we don't get. These excusesare only that. Women are fearful too, mostly of potential violence or cheating. Their expectations are unrealistic. They need to approach dating with a more relaxed attitude. I believe the law in America about child support mainly to protect the child. Although, there are not nice woman out there who trapped the man and have kids for child support so either men or women - before trying to blame this person that person, you should blame yourself first.

But don't give up just yet - you still can change to be better and learn from your mistake. This article gave a lot of good points. Thank you very much: Also, I've spoken of the benefits for men in the comments section before. If you are that interested, Google "Why married men are happier, healthier and live longer lives than non-married men. If you don't do that, it's on you. I say the same thing to women. Thank you for your graciousness.

I know that you know where I'm coming from. I appreciate everything you stand for. You're quite a woman! See of remaining comments. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so. For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: Consequently, there is a whole lot of friction going on in the world of dating.

The s Cultural Movement The s cultural movement had good intentions and some positive outcomes. Who needs the drama? Percentage of Single Mothers Who are Hispanic. What Needs to Happen So what's a woman to do? Women Have to Step Up Their Game as Well She must learn to appreciate her womanhood and everything that being a woman entails, to include embracing her femininity. Meet the New Boss: Same As the Old Boss The point is, male gatherers of the 's sexual revolution got used to the perks of free love. Shifting Focus So naturally, it behooves the woman to shift her focus toward worthwhile men who actually enjoy pursuing a woman, who exhibit patience and caring, and who are willing to ignore the trend that presupposes men and women are exactly the same in every way.

A Word About Communication Communication is a good thing, but some ladies mistakenly believe they must open up about every single thing that has ever happened to them " because that is only fair and honest. An Art A woman who is thoroughly uncomplicated and too eager to please will not attract the love of a man who has the masculine fiber women crave. Questions must be on-topic, written with proper grammar usage, and understandable to a wide audience.

Since the s, some women How can men be the "hunter" while dating in this day and age? As they say and in this case Why are most women very stuck up with a very bad attitude problem these days? You only need enough time to answer two questions for yourself on the meetup: What we do best as industry professionals is simply talk about solutions rather than create real solutions.

Yet, many have a following because we live in an age where the loudest get the most attention. Moreover, online dating sites and mobile application companies tout very suspect results, too. Consumers simply need to do more diligence before contracting for dating services. The bottom line is online dating sites and mobile applications have tricked us. Because you know you can pull out your phone and use an application to flip through s of dating profiles, it gives you a false sense of your actual dating options.

Own the fact that your dating options are limited. Women largely calling men dogs and lazy. To grasp how a man can easily dismiss ALL women, knowing his mother brought him in this world is unbelievable. Ultimately, we must accept our reality is based on our beliefs. If we believe all men or women act or do a certain thing, that will be exactly what we see.

The most transformative changes my agency has been able to realize with clients have been those that began by simply showing what is possible. I encourage anyone feeling overridden with anger or doubt about your potential pool of partners to seek a love mentor, a quality workshop, or a good coach. Join my community to receive updates on the best content of this blog. This is sooo true. I say this all the time and people look at me crazy. Well sir…You were my first read of the day, and I am thankful for that!

Trust when I say your insight is truly appreciated. What a reminder of how important it is to get back to the basics! Great and insightful read! Idk how u get so much useful information into such small posts but keep it up…. I love learning frm u! I also think that people are apprehensive because of the divorce rate similar to hesitation to enter the water after watching Jaws. I agree with you that matchmakers have their work cut out for them. I also like how you new match makers are creating environments of education so that people make better match making decisions. Hopefully because of this the divorce rate will decline.

It certainly never uses the word dating, and it rarely gives any examples that in any way resemble what we think of as dating. The reason is pretty simple: Dating is a modern invention, and has only been around about a century. They chose not to do it, or at least not to do it the way most people do today. And their results, in terms of successfully creating marriages that would last a lifetime, were far better than the results we get through dating today. You might disagree with my conclusion here, but my point is this: Fact is, there are a number of people who could make a good spouse for you, and you for them.

The reason why this matters is because thinking that you do have a perfect soul mate can lead to some real problems in dating and marriage.